Saturday, November 22

seeing clearly

It has been a long week.

I've been traveling back and forth to intensive training sessions in order to participate in a Christian pregnancy resource center's volunteer advocate program. There is so much information to sort through, process, and learn. Often the topics have been emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually challenging. In the days ahead I need to go through my big three-ring binder to review all the knowledge that has been presented.

At this moment, however, it's hard to see clearly through it all. There is an overwhelmingness to it all. And I've been asking myself, is this ministry for me?

Truly, is this ministry for me?

Are the gifts and talents God has given me actually suited for the type of work I would be doing? And while evaluating that I also need to evaluate all the ministry areas I'm involved in. Am I being effective in where I am serving now? Or are there ministries I should step down from and allow others to step into serving? Where does God want me? Where can I be used most effectively for Him? Or am I searching out ministry when He really wants me to focus on my main ministry which is my home and family?

As you can see, I am full of questions and cannot see clearly.

This reminds me....

This past week we have gotten some snow flurries which meant driving on salted roads in the mornings as I head out and occasionally salted roads in the later afternoons as I head home. The effect of that has been a car covered with a white dust as the wet snow dries to a white powder as it mixes with the salt. All week long I've thought about cleaning the windows on the car as they were streaked white and cloudy-looking, but never got around to it and instead grumbled to myself since I had to put up with the messy windows that were never clean. The windshield wipers just weren't doing a good job :::sigh:::

And on the last day as I was returning home and pondering my messy windows as well as thinking about all those questions above while I was driving, my car traveled right into a snow squall. Everything turned white as the heavy snow and the wind swirled around me. It was a frightening moment as there was light, but no clarity. I was within fifteen minutes of home when this happened, but for the moment it was impossible to know exactly where I was because I couldn't see. I was praying like crazy and the snow let up for about five minutes as I drove closer to home when another snow squall came on my path. It was the same scary feeling, but cleared again a couple blocks from home.

My windshield was now full of plain ol' wet snow and as I turned my windshield wipers on the coolest thing happened. For the first time all week my windshield was clear and clean. So clear and clean that I actually put my hand up to it because it looked like there wasn't even a windshield there and my hand would go right through it. It just gave me :::Godbumps::: all over the place.

And a spiritual lesson came forth.

As questions swirl all around me and I feel like I can't see where I am going, I am doing this within the light of God's Word on my path. It is a time of being more in His Word and more in prayer than I have been in a long time. It's not that it exactly feels scary or frightening, but there is that sense of breath catching as I seek where He is taking me. The anticipation of an adventure. And I know, I KNOW, and I trust, I TRUST that there will come a moment of complete clarity in which I'll raise my hand to praise Him.

Yup, a little glimpse into my garden this morning. Now on to "do the next thing" as Elisabeth Elliot would say as my garden path also has plenty of dirty dishes, piles of laundry, and rooms filled with messes!

Tammy ~@~


linda said...

Very beautifully written Tammy! In His timing, clarity will rise up and make itself present. In the meantime, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Heasleye said...

Thank you, again, for sharing your experiences and thoughts, as they are encouraging me, over here in Oregon! I'm feeling a bit stuck in a snow squall myself, with a few issues in my life right now. I'm questioning motives and reasons and wondering what the outcomes will be. Last night, the words of a friend, and today, your words, have reminded me to not strain to look too far forward, but to be present and seek just the next step.

The Arthur Clan said...

What a beautiful example you were given right when you needed it! I've been thinking of you a lot this week Tammy and I'll be praying for you as you make your decisions concerning the ministries you are serving in.

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