Thursday, February 5

an empty place

"A mother who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take." ~ G. Mermillod

Four years ago today my mom passed away.

As I reflect upon that, I see what a tough emotional week I've had for a multitude of reasons. And yet perhaps what has made it perhaps more challenging was knowing this date was coming up on the calendar. I felt like I was counting each day as the calendar turned to February...."One, two, three, five."

And the quote perfectly expresses it for me in this moment of time as I feel quite strongly that no one can take the place of my mother. My mother who would have gladly sat and listened to me ramble about several things as I talked them through. Ah, she may not have agreed and perhaps even thought I was being a rebel (!) as my heart yearns to take a strong stand, but there would have been no doubt of her unconditional love. None.

"I began to know my story then. Like everybody's, it was going to be the story of living in the absence of the dead. What is the thread that holds it all together? Grief, I thought for a while. And grief is there sure enough, just about all the way through. From the time I was a girl I have never been far from it. But grief is not a force and has no power to hold. You only bear it. Love is what carries you, for it is always there, even in the dark, or most in the dark, but shining out at times like gold stitches in a piece of embroidery." ~ From Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry

Although I don't understand why the sense of grief has suddenly hit me harder than I've experienced in a long time, I do see the gold stitches of love which carry me. Love for my family. Love for my dear friends. Love for those who need the hope of the love that flows from my Savior. And it is because of God's unconditional love that I can take another step forward on this day.

And do me a favor today....if she's nearby, hug your mother. If she isn't, give her a call and tell her you love her!

Tammy ~@~


ValleyGirl said...

Oh, Tammy. I'm not sure how to respond, but you will be in my thoughts and prayers as you remember and seek to continue honouring your mother. Clearly, she left you an amazing legacy.

Kimmie said...

Hi Tammy;

Can I hug you...? I have felt some of these things, over the lose of my dad...that was 18 years ago now...but I still miss him and have a hard time celebrating it was the time of his death.

Praying for you. Sorry your heart is heavy, wish I could hug you dear friend.

mama to 7
one homemade and 6 adopted

mom said...

Thank you both for your kind words and others who have emailed me. I truly feel hugged!

Tammy ~@~

Blog Widget by LinkWithin