Monday, May 14

the tears come

A tradition that goes to back when I was a little girl consisted of going to the small town cemetery every May with my mom and grandma to plant flowers on the grave of my grandpa who died before I was born.  Grandma always planted bright red geraniums by his headstone and brought along other flowers to plant on other family plots on my grandpa's side of the family.  We'd trim the large spirea bushes, clean up the peonies, and watered everything well.  

When my younger and only sibling died, we included her as part of the planting always putting a pink geranium with a mix of other flowers on her grave.  

When my grandma passed away, my mom and I took care of this task every May.  By this time, I was married and brought my children along for this annual planting.  
When my mom passed away seven years ago, my step-father took over the annual planting job.  Unfortunately, he often chose Memorial Day weekend to travel there which didn't work out for me as that long weekend is when family comes home.

Until this year.  He has surgery scheduled next week which will make it impossible for him to travel for the next few weeks, so he asked me if I could go with him this past Saturday.  Packing two daughters into the car with me, we picked him up and traveled a couple hours away to that familiar cemetery.

Meeting an uncle there, we dug up the dirt and planted the traditional geraniums.  The spirea bushes and peony plants that had been there for years were now gone.  The headstones were tipped a bit more and needed a little brushing as mold and moss had crept onto them.  We wandered through sections of the cemetery looking at the headstones of family who had died many many year ago as my uncle recalled information that I didn't know.  
I peeked into the chapel that is onsite remembering that cold winter day that I huddled inside there with extended family as we awaited my mom's burial.  Walking back to our car, we then packed up all our things and left to meet an aunt and uncle in their 90's for lunch.

We traveled back home and my heart was oh so heavy.  The day had unexpectedly brought back so many things of the past.  The wound of grief had been opened and prodded with an intensity that had not been experienced in a long time. The reflections that have come as I've thought about family in the past and family in the present brought spontaneous tears throughout the weekend.  Best to face it, walk through it, and open my eyes and heart to what the Lord wants me to see.   To be teachable knowing there is purpose and value for the future for He can bring good out of all things. Even through tears.

Tammy ~@~


Kimmie said...



love you sweet friend!


Kimmie said...


need to go to bed,
my name is Kimmie
not Kimmir (;-)


mom said...

Love you back no matter how you spell your name!


Tammy ~@~

The Prude said...

So beautiful. Those loved ones are worth the tears and the memories. Hope you are able to be sad, yet hopeful!

mom said...

Sad, but glad for the hope I have in Christ!

Tammy ~@~

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